Then said Jonothan, My father hath troubled the land : see, I pray you, how mine eyes have been enlightened, because I tasted a little of this honey.
For many years I did not have any peace at all. It was the cry of my heart that He would give me that peace, but that peace came with a price. That peace is also known as His rest. Rest I desperately needed. I am married and have a daughter who has disorders. Anybody who has a child with a disorder will testify of how this influences every possible category of your life. And this was exactly His goal in my life...to deal with every category in my life.
There came a day that I just could not stand to live a Christian life of ambivilance, where one day I live as a saint and the next everybody had to run for their lives. So much guilt was added on top of my very difficult circumstances. I reached a point that I told the Lord God that I was not satisfied with just being a Christian that goes to Church, go home, go to work, and do it all over again, and yet have no significant impact on society or those around me. I was hungry to be the authentic Christian He has always intended for me to be.
The day I made the decision that He must do whatever He deems right to get me to that point, was the day when everything went horribly wrong. I should say gloriously right. But looking through my then very fleshly perspective, it seemed that my life was falling apart. But to Him it was all finally falling into place. Being still committed to whatever it takes, it took 12 years to deal with everything single little category, be it opinions, past trauma, emotional baggage, deception I have been exposed to, to break down all that I was depending on. And I mean ALL. It was an extremely difficult journey, my wilderness years, but it was far and beyond worth the price I paid.
He has not only taught me His ways, but I grew in wisdom and understanding. I grew in His love and healing until restored completely. And then, as I waited on Him, He finally released me to minister to His broken Body, His Bride He loves so dearly.
My devotionals that I posted in the archives have come from those wilderness years, but the recent devotionals are fresh from the Bakery of Heaven. They do have some wonderful honey with them, because when He told me it was time to release me, He told me no more manna, but milk and honey. Honey is a type and shadow of revelation. This is why I chose to call this website The Spirit of Wisdom and Revelation. I give Him all the glory for what He has done in my life. Now that He broke me down to nothing, all I can be is nothing, whilst He remains my everything.
May this journey I walk with you, feed your soul, open your eyes, and cause you to soar high with eagle's wings...in spite of your circumstances. I am a living testimony that God uses dust for His purposes.